All this really needed was someone like Emil Jannings to add a bit of imperialist, silent-film, gravitas to proceedings as a pair of slightly self-obsessed intellectual ne’er-do-wells get caught up in the Franco-Russian war. Unfortunately for the Czar, with Napoleon clamouring at his borders, he must rely on the likes of the neurotic and yellow-bellied “Boris” (has to be Woody Allen, doesn’t it?) to enlist in his army. He is about as much use as that wrong calibre stuff they had in the Crimea, but he determines that his best plan for a swift exit back to his equally up-herself cousin “Sonja” (Diane Keaton) is to assassinate the Frenchman and end the war in one stroke. Meantime, his manipulative cousin is safely at home playing a cat and mouse game with his brother “Ivan” (Henri Czarniak) who isn’t remotely interested in returning her amorous intentions. Regardless, she isn’t going to let his disinterest save her from an unwanted marriage with “Boris”. His hapless army skills just happen to coincide with historical fact and so when the French arrive in a largely abandoned Moscow, the pair have a chance to reunite and whilst dodging the bullets they are metaphorically shooting at each other, unite to achieve their murderous goal. Fans of Tolstoy and/or Dostoevsky will see plenty of similarities, parodies even, of their more earnest tales of revolution, grand philosophising and unrequited love and for much of the time these references are only very thinly veiled, if at all! It is also an out-and-out comedy with more than an few shades of the bawdiness of a “Carry On” movie peppered with a few double-entendres and the humour comes thick and fast amongst all the fake blood and fabulous examples of the costumiers art. Of course, like most daft comedies there is a twist and this one comes from left field and entirely tops off this enjoyable romp through history - or literature’s interpretation thereof, and is one of my favourite Woody Allen scripts as it levels just about everything from religiosity to pomposity before it. Good fun.

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